Should you come out to your family about your sexual orientation or personal beliefs about religion(such as Agnosticism or Atheism or conversion to another religion)?
Honestly I think yes.But only after you have achieved such a status in your life that you can support yourself ably even when your family has kicked you out,for there are a great many chances of happening so.
There is nothing wrong in being an Atheist or turning away fromyour religion,if you feel that another stance or religion is better.There nothing wrong with you being homosexual or even pansexual .But try not to open up to your family when you are quite dependent upon them.There are advantages of coming out of the closet as well as disadvantages,for has there been anything with no side-effects and benefits,in this world?
Its better if you try to conceal your religious convictions or sexuality while you are financially dependent upon your family.They may kick you out and you may have no place to give yourself a shelter.
Once you have achieved the basic necessities of life such a wealth and education,you can then come out of the closet and proclaim yourself whatever you want,for then even if you family kciks you out you have a shelter to hide under and independence.
Till then you should try to:
1:Complete your education.
2:Open up to our close friends who you believe love you unconditionally.
3:Meet/Contact like minded people and try to converse with them as to how you should come out.
4:Join some communities in which you are sure your information will be kept confidential.
5:Be in peace with your religious convictions/sexuality and religion/yourself.
6:Try to educate other people about your stance,but be sure that they don’t rise against you for holding such an opinion or your sexuality.
Ashok Deb: This post was published in Humanistblog.blogspot.com
by a Palistani free-thinker
This is how he describes himself
- The Humanist
- I am Agnostic and recognize myself as a humanist,and even Secular Muslim.That means that even if I am an ex-Muslim,I still practise some Muslim beleifs that I feel are humanistic,such as Zakat and I would love to marry like a Muslim.I am Muslim,socially,not religiously. Other than that,I am blunt and blatant enough to express myself in any way I feel I should,as long as I am not being a simpleton and when it comes to my morality.
Ashok Deb: This is his experience of Coming out for the First time
Me and my mother,like sometimes we did and do,went for a walk in the park together.My mother has gone through alot because of me,but has never stopped loving me.Unlike others,who leave or loathe their parents for not accepting their orientation,my love for my mother is unconditional(until and unless she’s not telling me that I should sacrifice anyone else for her…haha).So, aswe were walking around in the park,we had a desultory talk in which she explained to me that I could tell her anything,since she’s already been through so much because of me.I took this opportunity and explained to her that I might have attarction towards women and men both.At that time I wasnt sure if I was gay or bisexual.And also I told her that I was having doubts about Islam.She was,obiously,disappointed.And tried to overlook the reality.She explained that this feeling that I was having towards my own gender would go away and it should be just a platonic one.To establish her point she went on to tell me that in her class there used to be these girls who used to cry for teachers and loved them because they were their favourite.Her desperation to somehow turn be staright was palpable.But I wasnt going to,since I couldnt.I gave her an immense amount of good research,over the time,in favour of homosexuality.I even tried to change her mind b introducing her to ijtihad(Islamic free reasoning) and that using it,Islam and Homosexuality could be reconciliated.But no! She wouldnt accept anything and turned her deaf ear to all my exlanation which I gave her every now and then.Then one day I recieved the email that my brother had sent me from Glasgow to give me an elder brother’s advise on how to be aware of those disgusting homosexuals,since I was moving to an all-boy’s school from co-education.I took this opportunity to tell him the truth about my bisexuality,which he didnt like either.Since then my whole family knows(maybe excluding one of my sisters,since she’s married and wasnt there when all of this happened).One of my sister think I am gay and that there’s no difference between bisexuals and gays and she even makes fun of my orientation and taunts me when we have a fight.My whole family is homophobiac.And my mother think gays are hijras(eunuchs),thanks to the media,especially that Nadia Khan of the Nadia Khan Show,who is one hell of an extremist.But I have decided.I have to stand for my orientation,even if it means leaving my family,although I’ll be a zombie without their love and them.Millions of people have gone through,are going through and will go through because of homophobia,misunderstanding of connotation of the owrd ‘gay’,and lack of education and tolerance.I have to be their voice.At this time anonymously ,maybe.But one day I’ll have a name and a title which will be able to influence others.And I’ll use it influence people and spread tolerance towards LGBT community,Hopefully….And anyway, I have always been giving my voice to minority,like secularists and repressed religious minorities of Pakistan,so why not my own community.Even if it mean my own life,because its better that I get killed than be frightened to death by these intolerant Mullahs and stupid and idiotic taboos of our society.My freedom from my Pakistani society or even my life for the freedom of others means nothing less to me then what Koran and Bible mean to Muslims and Christians ,repectively.The purpose to narrate my story here is not to scar you from coming out.But to encourage you.Even Hitler had his supporters.So be content with you orientation and stop worrying about what others will think,because if you’ll lose them it’ll be for your own betterment,since you’ll find others,who’ll be ready to accept your orientation as a part of you.Its not the quantity but the quality of you family which matters.And sometimes its better to leave the family that created you to create a family yourself,for the liberation of others and yourself.But the choice is yours.I am always here to be your friend and advise you and help you.Thank You